all you give me is a heartbeat
by winternym
Summary: Klaroline oneshot. Based on 2x17 and on 2x18 promo pics. "And just like that, she's crying and Klaus's eyes widen and her legs are buckling, she's a vampire, she's stronger than this but she backs up against the wall to hold herself up." Includes discussion of past rape, abuse, and underage alcohol use.


When he finds her, she's sitting on his living room floor with a bottle of bourbon.

He's put on a shirt, she realizes, now that they've bickered the day away and she finally removed the piece of the white oak stake. From the surprise on his face, she can tell he thought she'd have left—truth be told, she'd thought she would have left by now, too, but she hasn't, maybe because she has nowhere to go.

"Caroline," says Klaus, and there's a sneer in his voice that's failing to cover up his hurt. "I thought I made it clear that you should find comfort from someone less _terrible_."

If she hadn't heard the hurt in his voice, she'd have understood it in the reiteration of his previous slight.

Sometimes, Caroline wonders how come she understands Klaus so well, that she can pick up on the subtleties and nuances of everything he says, how she can make sense of everything he feels when not even his siblings can.

Tonight, Caroline takes another swig out of the bottle, then slams it onto the Persian rug.

"God," she mutters, blowing a strand of hair out of her face, "for a thousand-year-old immortal hybrid, you are such an idiot."

He doesn't move, not even the muscles in his face. His jaw is tense, and the dim lighting of the room casts shadows over his face. "I would ask you to leave, Caroline," he says tersely, "but I confess I'm rather worried that you won't be able to walk to the door."

"I'm spiraling," she repeats, getting to her knees. "It's part of the process."

"You are more than welcome to spiral," he tells her, grabbing her elbow and lifting her to her feet, "outside my house." He stares into her eyes, and she stares back, unblinking. Finally he sighs, and looks away. "I'll call your mother," he tells her. "I'm not driving you home."

"I wasn't thinking about you when I said that," she blurts out. Her tongue is suddenly heavy in her mouth.

"When you said what, love?" Klaus isn't looking at her, but she can tell from the set of his shoulders that he knows exactly what she's referring to.

"Terrible people do terrible things," says Caroline. He looks back at her, and now she can't stop the words. "I'm not taking it back, I still mean it, but you weren't the person I was thinking about." She shrugs, suddenly embarrassed. "I thought you should know."

He's silent for a moment. Then: "Even if that's the case, love, I think you've made it quite clear that any chance I ever had with you was crushed by my evil, twisted ways—"

"Don't you get it?" exclaims Caroline, wrenching her arm out of his grasp. "I've been down this road before! I did the whole bad boy thing, I went for the guy who was dark and twisted, I told myself he was hurt and vulnerable and wanted me and—"

The confusion on Klaus's face would have been funny if her heart hadn't been too shattered to smile. "Tyler?" he asks.

"Damon!" shouts Caroline. She runs her fingers through her hair so hard it hurts. "Damon rolled into town and Stefan had just rejected me for Elena, just like _every guy_ I've ever liked, but Damon only wanted me—so I thought—and he was dark and mysterious but there was an allure in that, that he seemed dangerous but he _wanted _me, so I went for him—"

"You dated Damon?" asks Klaus, and Caroline wants to cry because he still doesn't get it, and she wants to stop but she's already spiraling, spiraling and the words spilling out of her mouth are beyond her control.

"Yes, I dated Damon! I dated Damon because he was dark and dangerous but he _wanted_ me and I was drawn to that—"

Klaus scowls. "You were attracted to _Damon Salvatore_'s darkness, but for some reason I don't do it for you?"

"I was attracted to Damon Salvatore's darkness, and he compelled me and hurt me and abused me and raped me, and _no one cares_ because he's in love with Elena and everything he did before that is just his 'troubled past'." And just like that, she's crying and Klaus's eyes widen and her legs are buckling, _she's a vampire, she's stronger than this_ but she backs up against the wall to hold herself up.

She's hyperventilating, even though she doesn't really need to breathe, and Klaus is still frozen. _You did all that research into me, but you never found out? _Caroline wants to ask, but she's still sobbing, and the confessions are falling from her mouth like tears.

"And every time," Caroline gasps, because it's physically _painful_ to hold it in anymore, "that I told Elena that I didn't like her being with Damon, I was just being 'annoying' and 'controlling', because it's not like my feelings are valid, right?" A hysterical laugh bubbles out of her and she leans her head back against the wall so she doesn't have to see the growing anger in Klaus's eyes. "And if Damon hurt me in the past, it's just been part of his journey to Elena, because Saint Elena is the holy matron of Mystic Falls and girly little Caroline is just a neurotic, OCD stepping stone on the way to her redemption, just _collateral damage_."

She snaps her gaze back down to Klaus, and he recoils at the words as though he's been struck.

"_You're what's known as 'collateral damage', it's nothing personal."_

"Caroline," he says, stepping forward. "Caroline, you're not—you're _never_—"

"I'm not what? Disposable?" She tries to summon a laugh, but ends up with a breathy gasp instead. "I was disposable when you wanted to prove a lesson to Tyler. Twice!" She steps forward, with a sudden, mad rush of energy. "And even after that, I started thinking maybe, just maybe, we were misunderstanding you, maybe you weren't that bad, if you were in _love_ with me you couldn't be all evil, maybe if I trusted you—"

She doesn't know she's laughing until the force of it knocks her backwards, and she sounds mad, hysterical and insane, and then she stops and she hasn't felt this fragile since—since—

"But that's what I am, right?" she asks. "Elena trusts people and they see the light of redemption. I trust people and I just get hurt."

Klaus steps forward, and she feels his hand on her shoulder, warm and strong, almost human. "Caroline," he says. "I—"

She meets his eyes. "Don't you get it, Klaus?" She tried to shout, but she can only whisper. "Terrible people do terrible things," she repeats, like a mantra, and then breathes, deeply, her throat tightening and her eyes filling with tears again, "because that way I don't deserve it."

"Caroline," he whispers, and she's crying all over again, and she doesn't fight when he pulls her into his arms. She clenches the fabric of his shirt into fists, buries her face into his chest and sobs, just _howls_, and time has always passed differently for her as a vampire but now it doesn't seem to pass at all. She cries into his shirt and he strokes her hair and says "_Caroline, Caroline_" as though she's the only person that matters in the world.


End file.
